My Second FAMILY

I have a second *Family*. It's the Duodenal Switch Forum at Obesity Help.com. I joined about 18 months ago. I remember so well lurking and yearning for the courage to introduce myself and become a part of their wonderful *family*. Life long feelings of insecurity and lack of self worth held me back. Why would they want to include me in their family? What could I possibly contribute? Would they just skip over my post and ignore me? Could I handle the rejection? Why in the world would they want a bipolar, anxiety ridden, agoraphobic as a member of their group?

Finally one day in June of 2005, I decided to take the giant step to say "Hello" and tell them a little bit about myself. Almost immediately I was receiving the warmest welcomes. My fingers actually trembled on the keys as I so carefully replied to Jeanie, Starr and Alison - my first DS friends. They embraced me and encouraged me to write in my profile.http://obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/profile.php?N=G1118255506

I did indeed start writing my profile and soon my fingers began to fly across the keyboard. I spilled and spilled. I shared my life. I talked about my family, my parents, my daughter and even my son who is serving 32 years in prison for a crime I turned him in for. I wrote about my nervous breakdowns following his imprisonment and I shared pictures of my flowers - my *passion*.

The responses from my new friends was overwhelming to say the least. I made more and more new friends, Darcy, Sharon, Kimmer and so many more. These people were opening their hearts to me. I remember so well the first time I took the giant leap and offered to do *Angel Duty* for Sharon. I really took this responsibility to heart and proudly posted of her progress following her DS surgery.

My confidence was slowly returning and I began to wake up every morning anxious to turn on the computer and get on the forum. These people actually liked me. I hate to sound like Sally Field here, but it's the truth. My loneliness was beginning to disappear and it was being replaced with *friends* - real, honest to goodness *friends*.

Over the months these *friends* became my extended *family*. I was richly blessed and my immediate family began to see a more positive *Maureen* emerging. It had been 2 years since my son had been imprisoned and my Angel Baby Jenny who was so afraid she had lost her mom in the darkest shadows of depression began commenting to me about how happy she was that I had begun to smile again and yes, even laugh. Every day Jenny would call and ask me, "So Mom, what's going on, on the boards today"?

The more I got from the boards, the more I wanted to give of myself. I wanted to shower each and every one of them with love, compassion and encouragement. When they cried, I cried. Sometimes it was tears of joy and other times tears of heartache. You see we were all travelling the same journey. We had all walked in the shoes of a morbidly obese person. Quite simply, we understood each other.

Fast forward to yesterday, September 22, 2006. Lady Di in Florida started a thread "Let Maureen Know You Care Day". I was flabbergasted, an immediate rush of heat flooded over me. One by one more and more people popped on the thread to post their feelings for me. Tears of love poured down my cheeks. How would I ever be able to tell my wonderful extended family that *they* are the ones that have given me *FAR MORE* than I will ever be able to give them in return.

I'm a stronger person today because of them. I'm driven by them to make our Forum a more loving community that we can all come to, to share all of lifes ups and downs. I *want* to be their *Mother Hen*. I have so much love inside me to share with them and I will *ALWAYS, ALWAYS,* be there for each and every one of them.

It's completely *effortless* to give of myself when you are loved so much in return. "It is in giving, that we receive".

God bless my DS Family, today and always.

FLASHBACK GROUPIE

When we were in our teens, many of us would daydream about being a groupie to one of our favorite bands. Of course this was never something we thought we'd ever be able to do - but - I'm 53 and I'm a huge groupie - to my husband's band - Flashback. www.flashbackggband.com

I've been busy building an ever so humble website for the *boys in the band*. It's been so much fun to do. My Greg is a fabulous musician. He's been playing guitar since he was 8 years old and he's quite simply *magic*. While his band plays R&B, Soul & 50's & 60's, Greg can play just about anything. I have to say I particularly love it when he plays acoustic and sings Italian songs with his deep velvety voice. He gives me goose bumps. His music will keep him forever young.

When we were first married, Greg had to go out of town for a few days and of course I thought I'd just die without him. He had left me a note to read "if you miss me" and inside that note he told me to go to an Eric Clapton album and listen to the song "Pretty Girl"

Pretty girl you are the light of my life,

I mean my everything

You're the one I chose to make my wife,

that's why you wear my ring.

And when I'm feeling down and out,

you're the one who will bail me out

My love will always guide me home, pretty girl.

Pretty girl don't ever say goodbye,

don't ever let me be,

If you do you know that I will die,

you mean that much to me.

And when I'm feeling low and blue

you always know just what to do.

My love will always guide me home, pretty girl.

Pretty girl, hear what I have to say,

it's something you should know,

You brought me sunshine on my darkest day,

that's why I love you so.

And when my wandering day is through,

I'll always hurry back home to you.

My love will always guide me home, pretty girl.

Is it any wonder, to this day, Pretty Girl, is my favorite song.

But my *Zipper* is Broken

My hernia/TT surgery went as well as can be expected. No surprise to me that there were a few complications seeing as "complication" is my middle name when it comes to any kind of surgical procedure on me. It appears that the mesh from the previous hernia repair was strangulating my liver and some of my intestines and the good doctor had his hands full removing the ugly mess. Evidently I had some respiratory problems too, so it was a very good thing I had the repair done sooner rather than later.

Was the surgery successful? Yes. Am I in pain? Hell yes - 24/7 but I'm dealing with that. Any issues? Yes!!! I was NOT prepared for the dramatic change in my bodies appearance and I'm very upset about just who the hell I am now.

I had the Duodenal Switch weight loss surgery 14 months ago. I've lost about 105 pounds. The weight came off and aside from early (you guessed it ) complications, I've become very comfortable with the required changes in eating and strict vitamin regime. I had none of the body image issues many of my friends had as I began to shrink. So why now am I in this very unfamiliar territory?

I'm almost grateful I'm having pain because it helps to take my mind off of the confusion I'm feeling about my body. I've been up and down the scales since I was a child. I have ALWAYS had a tummy. While the rest of my family have always been slim, bordering on petite, they too have always had a wee bit of a tummy.

I'm actually struggling here, trying to find the words to describe how I'm feeling. I DON'T KNOW how I'm feeling. I'm told my surgeon removed 8-12 pounds of *flesh*. The scars are enormous. I was cut from hip bone to hip bone and breast bone to pubic area. THERE'S NO FAT ANYWHERE!!! No longer will I have to fiddle and fart with my clothing to hide the spare tires. No longer will I have to *suck it in* to zip up my pants - oh, yeah, that's going to be a new thing for me because I've worn elastic waist pants and skirts for years. I should be ecstatic, overjoyed, over the moon.

Taking a shower is a real trip. There's nothing left to *shift* to clean. No more concerns about rashes. My previously *hidden* privates are totally visible. I have a brand new belly button.

But....my *Zipper* is broken.

# 22

Tomorrow I go in for surgery - again. I'm having a massive ventral hernia repair with an abdominoplasty and abdominal muscle tightening. This will be the 22nd time I've had surgery and it won't be my last. There is a 3rd hip replacement around the corner for me. God willing I'll be able to wait a year or so before I have to have the procedure.

I'm told this surgery will take 5 to 7 hours. I'm not really nervous about the surgery in itself. I have complete confidence in my Surgeon, Dr. M. Hares. But I'm *VERY* nervous about the pain control afterwards. Morphine just doesn't do it for me. I envy those people that can say they breezed through their first few post-op days by pushing the pain control button. I can push it until the cows come home and I'll still be registering a 9 out of 10 on the pain scale. But, the end results will be the demise of *Hester Hernia* and for the first time in my life - a flat tummy. :)

Lovely Rita Pita Bread

Is it possible to love someone *too much*. Oh, I don't think so....

Lovely Rita Pita Bread is my daughter, Jenny. She is more than anyone could ever ask for in a daughter. She is my *best friend*. Since she was a toddler I've had many pet names for her and to this day, I continue to add to that list. Just some of the names I call her are, Nee-Nee-Fer, Neefs, Martha, Angel Baby, Jenny Penny, and most recently, Justine. Lovely Rita Pita Bread has become a favorite of ours. At first it was just "Rita". She's such a huge Beatles fan that we added the rest. She always knew she was in hot water when I'd call her "Mary Elizabeth Kathleen". A friend of hers once asked why I call her so many names. I told her it's because I have so much love for her that it's impossible to give it to just one name.

Jenny is the scientist in the family. She recently graduated from EMU with a Biology major and has only a few more classes to take in Chemistry to have a double major. She plans to attend grad school when the timing is right for her. Jenny absolutely loves to learn and I in turn have learned so much from her.

We both love Broadway musicals. Among my fondest memories is of the two of us dancing through the house and singing with sheer joy to the tunes of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat".

Jenny is a passionate feminist and a volunteer at the Women's Safe House in Ann Arbor. Bless her heart, there are some nights when she's *on call* that she goes into work with just a few hours of sleep. She never complains. She feels empowered by her volunteer work - she knows she's making a difference when she goes to the homes of victims of abuse and counsels them. I can only imagine how grateful these poor women and yes, sometimes men, must be by her presence. I admire my daughter so very much.

Is it possible to love someone *too much*. Oh, I don't think so.

"There is no other closeness in human life like the closeness between a mother and her daughter - chronologically, physically, and spiritually they are just a few heartbeats away from being the same person."
Susan Cheever

My first Musings

Where do I begin....

Well I guess a little bit about me is a good way to start. I was born in Wolverhampton, England and I guess that's where I got my *green thumb*. We sailed the Atlantic on the final voyage of the "Franconia" in 1955. My father had immigrated to Canada before us to find work and a place for us to live. My Mother, myself and my sister, Ann followed several months later. We settled in Ontario in the picturesque town of Stratford where my dear sister, Rosaleen was born. Eventually we had a little "Bed and Breakfast" for the Shakespearian Festival visitors. My father's job moved us to the Detroit, Michigan area when I was 13.

After one failed marriage, I am now very happily married to Greg, a wonderful musician, who has his own R&B/Oldies band - FLASHBACK. I have a son 28, and one daughter 24. More about them later. My parents are still with us. Mom is 77 and Daddy is 84. We all live within 20 minutes of each other. We have no other family in the U.S. so thankfully we are a close knit family.