But my *Zipper* is Broken

My hernia/TT surgery went as well as can be expected. No surprise to me that there were a few complications seeing as "complication" is my middle name when it comes to any kind of surgical procedure on me. It appears that the mesh from the previous hernia repair was strangulating my liver and some of my intestines and the good doctor had his hands full removing the ugly mess. Evidently I had some respiratory problems too, so it was a very good thing I had the repair done sooner rather than later.

Was the surgery successful? Yes. Am I in pain? Hell yes - 24/7 but I'm dealing with that. Any issues? Yes!!! I was NOT prepared for the dramatic change in my bodies appearance and I'm very upset about just who the hell I am now.

I had the Duodenal Switch weight loss surgery 14 months ago. I've lost about 105 pounds. The weight came off and aside from early (you guessed it ) complications, I've become very comfortable with the required changes in eating and strict vitamin regime. I had none of the body image issues many of my friends had as I began to shrink. So why now am I in this very unfamiliar territory?

I'm almost grateful I'm having pain because it helps to take my mind off of the confusion I'm feeling about my body. I've been up and down the scales since I was a child. I have ALWAYS had a tummy. While the rest of my family have always been slim, bordering on petite, they too have always had a wee bit of a tummy.

I'm actually struggling here, trying to find the words to describe how I'm feeling. I DON'T KNOW how I'm feeling. I'm told my surgeon removed 8-12 pounds of *flesh*. The scars are enormous. I was cut from hip bone to hip bone and breast bone to pubic area. THERE'S NO FAT ANYWHERE!!! No longer will I have to fiddle and fart with my clothing to hide the spare tires. No longer will I have to *suck it in* to zip up my pants - oh, yeah, that's going to be a new thing for me because I've worn elastic waist pants and skirts for years. I should be ecstatic, overjoyed, over the moon.

Taking a shower is a real trip. There's nothing left to *shift* to clean. No more concerns about rashes. My previously *hidden* privates are totally visible. I have a brand new belly button.

But....my *Zipper* is broken.